How Dis Be Goin Down

 

 

 

Alright you little braniacs on the nerd patrol. Here's how we are going to do this: I agreed to "Build Lesbian Ogre Grenades" for akshizy, and that's what we're going to do. He may have been under the impression that "Blog" was simply a slang-term and not an acronym, but then he never has been very quick on the uptake. And, as everyone knows, the proper method of construction of a lesbian ogre grenade involves a medley of linguistic and literary hoola-hooping.

 

I will make an effort to post here everyday--if for nothing else, then to succeed where good ol' AJP hath failed. Each day, I will either post something from the internets (intentionally plural, btw) that I found particularly interesting, a random story from China, or a movie review. Additionally, each of my posts will conclude with a FFAA (pronounced ffffffffff-Ahhhhhh!!, with wild hand motions. Come on, do it with me now: ffffffff-Ahhhhhhh!! Lauren, that was terrible. And Liz? You're not even trying. :::::Shakes head disapprovingly::::) FFAA = Fun Fact About Akshai. Yes, that's right, I'm going there. If you have one in mind that you would like to see posted, or if you have an embarrassing or amazing picture of the Shai-Master himself, please send them to me at jbeazfosheaz@gmail.com so that I may post them all.

 

Last but not least, we will be having a competition since making this an interactive endeavor is probably the only way I can make this even half as interesting as our illustrious brown friend. Here's how it works: take AJP's initials and try to come up with the best three-worded phrase. For instance: "A Joke Professor" or "Asian Jello Pride" or "Anti-Jason Parade." You get the idea. You can also submit your own intial phrases, and when Shai gets back we will let him pick the winner of each category. Werd.

 

FFAA: Akshai's first piece of investigative reporting came at quite an early age. Early indeed. Woodward and Bernstein were only in their 30's when they cracked what could be called the most significant political corruption case of the last 200 years (With Ken Star and the Lewinski-Debacle a close second, haha). But our dear Akshai was only in Kindergarten when he cracked the legendary case of the mysteriously appearing saw-dust. One morning after a refreshing post-recess apple juice with the boys, as Akshai meandered back over to his desk he noticed the oddest of oddities: a large pile of saw dust had somehow accumulated beneath a fellow classmates desk. Surely, he assumed, this must just be some sort of freak of nature and it would be cleaned up tomorrow, but no. When he came back to class the next day it was still there. Akshai was smart enough not to ask the student himself, since if this other boy was involved in some intercontinental tunneling operation to liberate the Chinese, surely he wouldn't be at liberty to discuss such sensitive matters. But Akshai was persistent and intrepid enough to ask just about everyone else. And, by Jove, once he had thoroughly interrogated the teacher and the janitor who eventually came to clean it up, the first of many a light bulb popped over Akshai's head, he realized what sort of abomination had taken place, and instantly his innocence was gone. That, ladies and gentlemen, is how the Akshai we know today got to be such a jaded cynic of the worst sort. Sad, just sad.

 

 

jbeazfosheaz